Thoughts @ Random #002

It was a Saturday noon in the month of December. After finishing with some pending activities at the Bank, I drove through the narrow lane that led to St. Louis High School and managed to park my Santro amongst the many vehicles parked outside the main gate.
It was the Annual Day and I was more excited than Rishabh.
The CURTAINS were drawn apart and my eyes started scanning the stage.  More than an hour already into the function I was anxiously waiting for this moment. And there I saw him,  my 5 year old son Rish. This is just one of the names I call him.
He looked amazingly cute, dressed as a soldier. The cap that he wore was slightly larger than required. He adjusted it and was all ready for delivering his dialogues. I actually felt like a proud mother whose son was a soldier serving the country.He had rehearsed his dialogues the previous day and I was thoroughly impressed.
Stepping a little forward,  he started and his voice resonated all over. Light was flashing across his face as tbere were many PHOTOGRAPHS being clicked. After about 2 mins, the skit was over and the mother in me wanted to just run up the stage and hug my child but then chose otherwise.  I continued to sit silently, ready to say that 'Yes, hes My son' in case anybody asked.
He was too happy to see me later and ran towards me with all cheer. We sat together and watched the rest of the events that came through.
I bought him a chocolate ICECREAM on our way back. We talked while he continued to make licking sounds and enjoy his icecream.
We reached home and had dinner and then watched Rish's favourite cartoon Pokemon together. He fell asleep as he was watching it and I had to carry him to bed. He lay there so innocently after an indeed tiring day and I couldn't help not adoring him. My eyes went upon to a picture of ours. It had my husband and myself carrying Rishabh in my arms. My husband had a RACQUET held in his hand as it was taken after a tennis match, a sport he quite excelled at. Rishabh looked as superb as he was now.
Things had changed now. I am not only a divorcee but a single mother. I had responsibilities which would seem difficult   if it was not for him.                   
I lay beside him and in no time, he snuggled close to me. I don't know when I fell asleep dreaming not about the future but only the Present with my Rish.

Thoughts @ Random #001

Recently, me and a friend of mine(who too shares an interest in writing) had the same feeling that our thoughts are getting lost without an outlet to express themselves. And so we came up with an idea that we would pen down our so-called thoughts on a frequent basis based on five chosen random words.And here comes the first one... The words being, Coconut Tree, Horizon, Peacock, Pineapple, Snow.

The sun was receding into the HORIZON which had made our third date a perfect one.  The colours of the sky were intense yet calm, the kind I like. The distant sound of the waves gushing in personified the world around us on a whole.
I never knew I could be romantic but as the saying goes you do not know things unless you are the one experiencing it.
It was a beach restaurant and she had chosen it and I just loved her choice. We had our table set beside a COCONUT TREE. The otherwise lustrous green leaves of the tree had now adopted a differently orangish hue.
My girl sat across me and I could nothing but look into her eyes. She wore a turquoise coloured top which had a PEACOCK printed over. To match it up she had a crystal pendant and cute bracelets. Candles were lit between us which glowed enchantingly.  I could hear the rattle of her bracelets as her hand met mine. The PINEAPPLE drink that we had ordered arrived. We sipped through it. Mann! !I had drunk Pineapple drinks for atleast a hundred times before but it never tasted so good.            
I knew nothing other than that I want to wake up every morning with her for life.
                            
I woke up and it was snowing outside. The downslide of the SNOWflakes... Beautiful! !
I had a great job in the United Kingdom. Perfect!

By then she came in and walked over to me with a glass of Pineapple drink. ..n it still does taste so good!

An insight

My mind often experiences convulsions wherein it presumes itself as the dictator and customizes licenses for itself. It is then that i feel Lost, as we call it, or may be once again the mind, with all its power, names it so.

I begin to experience the change in my attitude towards things which i would have dealt with in a manner completely different, had it not been for the situation. I am no longer happy but neither am i sad.

Is happiness the result of the mind's freedom for indulgence? Or is it the result of freedom from one's own indulgent mind? The vicious thought-emotion-desire cycle, with my knowledge, subjugates my existence and its purpose. 

But then, a state of detachment from anything to everything i possess, serves as an aide, to much an extent. And it arrives with its own risks. There is always a possibility that i become too dormant or expressionless towards emotions around me.

I believe, its the struggle to attain a near balance between these is what they call, ethereal living. And as I traverse this path of the beginningless towards the endlessness, it still remains unanswered...

Is happiness a cultivated attitude of the mind?

Or is it the outcome of internal being, unrelated to mind? 

FLASHBACK

I was at a river bank

afar from all congeries

Sitting on a rusty bench

rewinding old memories.

Not every pain was hurting

Nor every laugh comforting

Flashing across in a streak

it all seemed overwhelming.

Thoughts already plied over

me n my heart, now heavier

Gray clouds, a heavy wind

In no time did they appear.

Felt I then over my cheek

the descend of a tiny drop

Couldn’t decipher if it was

the drizzle or my tear drop.

I left and I turned around

For one last look n it dawned

All that had been trivial then

Now, had an impact profound.

Like the everyday sunshine

Like the river water, pristine

Each day i lived has made me

which now tastes like old wine.

A Mind That....

When upon the roof, i lie

I always feel, i can fly....

Thoughts come, multiply

Into a mind that wanders.

Of all those sour moments

Of those sweet  memories 

Sewn in and out in series

Into a mind that ponders.

Why this happens after all?

Climbing up o'er the wall

Choosing a flight or a free fall

By a mind that wholly renders.

Tangled in a constant quest

A thousand thoughts in protest

Love, marching in to arrest

A mind, that always surrenders.

The Darkest Hour

The darkest corner of the room
And its macabre vastness.
The darkest hour before dawn
Reigning with total vehemence.

No faces, no shadow, an aide
A vacillating urge to cry out loud.
The medley of emotions built
Weighed upon a mind, too proud.


The harmonics of the hanging clock.
The pendulum, its oscillations
Swinging in a range of thoughts
The cacophony of indecisiveness.

The window across, its narrow slit
The influx of a beam of light.
Carrying in a spectrum of hopes
to last until another night.