5.32 am:

Standing on the terrace of my 15-storey apartment, at this time of dawn, I’m able to view a major part of the city in a single glance. Its making me feel as if I’m an important speck in this stupendous world. The sky’s started changing colors, from gray to metallic silver with shades of blue imposed. Yellow patches are trying to creep in and its tangy red now. The sun with all its supremacy, is rising each step as the color of the sky is changing and eventually has hovered over the city, above everything.

5.58am:

I peeped onto the roads. There were some really fitness conscious people striding, a newspaper vendor arranging his stuff, a milk van zooming through the otherwise busy street.. but.. I couldn’t see her.

Suddenly, the door to the terrace went ajar and she came running.

She hugged me and said… ‘Happy birthday Sneha.’

6.10 am:

My friend, Jaanki made it a point every year to be the first one to greet me on the morning of my birthday and I used to long for that, waiting here on the terrace. Today again, Jaan, as I called her, is here. She always gave me the best gift on my birthday…her ‘presence’.

6.30 am:

We sat there, talking… about things, silly things…. difficult things…. important things… sometimes just nothing. Each moment that went unspoken cemented our bonding, deepened the faith, increased the trust, strengthened our union.

6.45 am:

‘Look down there Jaan’. I said.

Jaanki feared heights.

Today, I have to make her get rid of this fear, I thought.

I made her calm down. I took her down to the verandah of the 1^st floor. I moved up every floor with her and asked her to look down. Now, by the time she reached the 12^th floor, she was composed. And on the terrace, we looked down together into city that was getting prepared for the day.

7.42 am:

We never could keep track of time, or rather time couldn’t keep track of us whenever we were together.

My watch alarm beeped.

I looked around…. Jaanki wasn’t there.

…………..The time machine had traveled exactly 1 year ahead. I had been overruled by memories of my last birthday.

Jaanki hadn’t come today.

Its been 7 months now that we haven’t spoken but our bonding hadn’t grown either.

She had annihilated her fear for altitudes completely.

She had jumped off from the 7^th floor of her building to death.

……..She had lost her brother in an accident. The tragedy took a toll and forced her to take the drastic step.

How could I let that happen…?

How could I not know her inspite of knowing her…?

How couldn’t I get any kind of premonitions of her feelings…?

How could I..?

How could I..?

It’s me who’s responsible for it. It’s me who had made her overcome her fear for heights.

If only... she still had that fear… she would’ve been here… right here.

…. I’ve been sentenced to be hanged until death in the court of my conscience.

(The Multitude of Altitudes)